Hey there! First, gift yourself a brief pause. Inhale deeply, and let it all out loudly.
Have you ever felt like you’re losing yourself in a relationship? Or maybe you’re afraid of the changes that come with it? The eternal search towards being enough or “refining” our weak parts to meet our significant other’s expectations…
I’ve been on a journey of my own, trying to find my center after looking for it outside of myself. I walked on eggshells, scared they might leave, and even scarier, dimmed my essence and my whole persona to the point where I didn’t even know who I was. A bittersweet rock bottom, only to realize that the journey was always inwards.
As a little cup of soft-living hacks, I want to share some insights on how to embrace change in relationships without losing who you are:
The fear of change: Why we resist
Change can be scary, right? Especially in relationships where stability feels like a warm, cozy blanket. But here’s the thing: while stability is comforting, it can also lead to stagnation. Esther Perel, a brilliant relationship guru, reminds us that demanding our partners change while we stay the same is a recipe for disaster. Instead, we need to reflect on our own contributions to the relationship dynamic and be open to mutual growth.
Think of it like this: a relationship is a dance. If one partner is always leading and the other never gets a turn, the dance becomes predictable and, let’s face it, a bit boring. But when both partners are willing to switch roles, try new steps, and occasionally step on each other’s toes, the dance becomes vibrant and full of life. It all relies on the subtle yet powerful agreement that both parts are willing to change and foster evolution as a TEAM.
Regulating our systems: Finding balance
Now, let’s talk about regulating our systems. No, I’m not talking about installing new software updates (though sometimes it feels like we need one!). I’m talking about managing our emotional and physiological responses to stress and change. This is where I like to intertwine the shamanic-yogic path of discipline, rituals, routines, and of course, boundaries (not walls). These are like the guardrails that keep us from veering off the emotional highway.
I read somewhere on the gram that:
“The purest form of love is when someone pays attention to what makes you anxious and does their best to ease it.”
This one still burns. Please respect yourself enough to know when someone just doesn’t have the emotional bandwidth to be with you.
A healthy relationship is going to challenge you, but not in the same way as feeling exhausted, scared of expressing your needs, anxiety-ridden, and not feeling good enough because they might get tired of you. Instead, you’ll be challenged to be vulnerable, to regulate your emotions, and show up, even when not in the mood. You’ll be challenged to be a more conscious, compassionate person.
Radical self-care
Radical self-care is about setting boundaries and prioritizing activities that nourish and rejuvenate us. It’s about saying “no” to things that drain us and “yes” to things that fill our cup. By managing our stress levels effectively, we can engage more fully and healthily in our relationships. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. So, take care of yourself first, and you’ll be in a much better place to take care of your relationship.
Especially if you’re hypersensitive (like me) and a giver, make sure the people and environments you surround yourself with feel SAFE. It’s a long process but totally worth it. Do yourself some good and stop overgiving when you don’t feel like doing it; and maybe, the realization is that you will be happier in relationships with other givers. Another really stingy one:
Do not ever again, try to prove yourself into someone’s heart.
Finding and maintaining healthy relationships
Healthy relationships are built on consistency, self-awareness, curiosity, and mutual growth. Just like yoga practice, it can be seen as a constant exploration of possibilities around our partners, about who we can become through the relationship, and how we, as individuals, can take care of a third, common sphere where we meet. This perspective encourages us to see our relationships as dynamic and evolving, rather than static and unchanging.
Conflict is inevitable, but it’s how we navigate it that matters. True apologies, empathy, and effective communication are crucial for reviving fractured trust and fostering deeper connections.
Side note: “Sorry you feel that way” is not an apology.
Life is not about being okay or casual, or just moving on. It is about caring and being accountable for what we decide to say, do, and create when connecting with another human. A genuine healthy relationship relies on being crystal clear about what your expectations are.
Oh, yep.
So, there you have it, my friends. Embracing change in relationships without losing ourselves is all about balance, self-awareness, and mutual growth. It’s about being open to new possibilities while staying true to who we are. Remember, relationships are not just about finding the right person, but also about becoming the best version of ourselves through the journey of mutual growth and adaptation. Always prioritize self-awareness, kindness, and character over charm.
Gloomy days make me a bit emotional, and sometimes my heart just speaks its wisdom. For you, who has read all the way, let me finalize with this: No relationship is worth keeping if you have to quiet yourself , hide your truth (or your gut inflammation), do things you don’t want to do, or juggle your existence in order to keep it. Be brave, have the conversations, and be willing to receive the answers that creep you out even more. Believe me, those answers are your new direction.
Until the next time. Stay soft.
Adry.
If you are curious about more soft living insights & recalibration hacks, check this other post:
Love requires self-awareness and choice.
Se necesitaba decir y se dijo